Ramblings of a drunk person
by Spearlike Mage
Summary: This is my super fantastic attempt in writing while drunk. I am going to try and add a new chapter every time I have had too much champagne (read cheap beer). It's about Rizzoli and the Isles and if I know myself as good as I proclaim it's just going to be smut or just very little everything else.
1. Chapter 1

Being drunk and not having English as your first language = bad idea. But I am doing a hang-over reread so your eyes won't hurt, but I'm only making the text readable so I'm not changing the content.

Disclaimer: I don't own this characters or anything associated with them.

* * *

SMUUUUUUUUUUT

The Dirty Robber felt crowded. Jane wanted to be close to Maura. More than close. Wanted to breathe Maura, wanted to be inside Maura, wanted to be Maura.

Jane's second beer wore finished within the minute but before she got around to order another beer Maura order in four shots.

"Shots?!" Jane was thinking. Maura only drinks wine. And the best of it.

"Let's have a toast for us, the case and the good in solving crime" Maura announced.

"Maura. Let's fuck!" I said because the author ware drunk and couldn't come up with an idea. "Just let us have sex with each other". Jane begged to the sky.

"ROLY POLY RIZZOLI, I HAVE HEARD YOUR PRAYER, AND SINCE I AM GOD I ONLY WRITE IN CAPSLOCK. CAPSLOCK FORBIDDEN FOR ANYONE ELSE. BURN IN HELL!"  
"DON'T MAKE ME CHANGE THE SUBJECT" God answered angry.

"YOU MUST BED THIS WOMAN ISLES, OTHERWISE THE END OF EVERYTHING WILL OCCUR. "

TBC

* * *

This can only turn out to be the best idea I've ever had!

The greatest toast in the history of mankind. Lets toast again for the good in solving crime!

"Just let us have sex with each other" I am only expressing the thoughts of all the fans of the show!

I have to say that my pacing while drunk is awful, but heck I'm only cutting out unnecessary plot anyway. And a deus ex machina by god himself isn't/aren't so bad.


	2. Chapter 2

So here we are again. I wasn't as drunk as the first chapter and it's longer. But yeah, judge for your self.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or anything about them.

* * *

Maura just smiled at Jane. Gods' words were true and beautiful. Jane knew she couldn't fight the urge to make Maura hers.

Within two seconds she held Maura in her arms. Pushing her entire frame in to her body, wanting to feel as much as possible.

Maura's head against her shoulder, Maura's breast against hers, Maura's arms around her waist, Maura's mound pressing against her make her feel euphoric. Making Jane lose all sense of time and space.

"Good night, Jane" Maura said.

"Oh no, you can't get away know. I have you where I want you. I have a blessing from god himself. I can do whatever I want with you. You are mine." Jane said in her husky voice.

"You are going to murder my meat, Maura. Murder it!"

Jane pulled Maura closer. As close as possible and moved her body up and down. Stroked her entire torso against Maura. Maura moaned. She liked it.

Torso sex was new to Maura, but she liked new stuff.

Jane kept rubbing torso against torso so intense. Intenser and intenser. They couldn't get enough of each other's torsos.

Maura reciprocated. Pushed her breast and stomach back and forth, moving in a rhythm.

Torso against torso they kept moving against each other. It felt so good, like nothing they ever felt before.

"Your boobies are so soft they feel so gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood" Jane moaned out.

She wanted to kiss and bite Maura's neck. She trailed kisses down Maura's jaw, keeping a steady pressure against her body. Back and forth they moved.

She pulled at Maura's hair. But she didn't have any.

Jane touched Maura's skin underneath her shirt. So soft. So smooth. So torso.

It's was the only touch Maura needed and with that she came bringing Jane with her. They came in explosions. Fireworks. Peacocks. Traveling gypsies. Drunk friend sex. God blessed friend sex. The best sex.

Jane have never felt such an overwhelming feeling. Her orgasming. Her making Maura orgasming. Orgamsing omrogasming.

This woman was hers. No one could take her away. But this new realization made Jane uncomfortable. Made her want to run. Run to what's known. Comfortable. Easy.

"Maur, sweetling. Älskling. This was everything I wanted but I need to get things straight. Not wrong, but right." Jane pleaded with her best friend.

"Oh Jane, I'm so satisfied by your administrations. I couldn't ask for more. We are friends. Best friends. But now we are lovers." Maura said looking in to Jane's eyes.

"Time. Give me time, Maura. I know I started this, just let me continue this in a good way. I don't want to blow this. But I want to blow you. Maura you are love to me. Not just I am I love with you but you personify love to me." Jane said looking down on her feet feeling self-conscious.

"Time away from you Jane is always hard. But I want you to be sure about what you want." Maura finished her sentence with a kiss and turned away to leave.

Jane watched as she exited the building. She felt happy. She felt everything was as the way they should be. But she wanted it to grow and flourish. Her track record of fucking everything up was against her so she wanted everything with Maura to be perfect.

She knew Maura understood her. She only needed time to digest everything. She didn't need time to think if she really wanted to be with Maura.

Jane thought for three weeks and couldn't stop thinking about Maura. Maura. Maura. MAURA. MAURA. That is who she wanted. That is who she wanted to be with. She was happy and very scared at the same time.

The phone call came during a Red Sox game. Jane switched her attention back and forth between Maura and the game. But one sentence made her keep complete focus on Maura.

"Excuse me?" Jane said.

"Jane, I'm pregnant" Maura said with some hesitation in her voice.

"SAY WHAT?! HOW?!" Jane asked.

"ROLY POLY RIZZOLI WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT CAPSLOCK? HI BY THE WAY. EHMMM THE PREGNANCY THING MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY FAULT, I KINDA USED SOME OF MY AWESOME DIVINE POWER TO INTERVEEN WITH BIOLOGY. GEEEE I ONCE INPREGANTED A CHICK WITHOUT SEX SO TWO GIRLS BUMPIN' UGLIES RESULTNING IN A KID - NO PROBLEMO! I JUST THOUGHT YOU TWO WOULD MAKE CUTE BABIES. SO CONGRATS RIZZOLI YOU ARE GONNA BE A FATHER... MOTHER.. YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. TAKE CARE!"

* * *

The smutiest smut ever! Torso sex? I love it! And what a plot twist, I even surprised myself! But they WOULD make cute babies. And apparently Maura lost her hair. That's sad. And god makes yet another cameo. Gotta love him!

Reviews either good or bad are always welcomed. Take care everyone and only drink to be more happy!

Even if you don't believe it I try to write when sober too and I have almost finished the first chapter of my first sober Rizzles story, but I want to at least write one more chapter before I upload it, so I know I like the story.

Oh and the word "Älskling" means my love, honey, whatever in swedish. It's a term of endearment.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I jut borrow them to write sexy stories, like this one is.

I usually read it through when I'm not drunk, but I'm to impatient so here it is! = I read it while drunk.

Drunk writing and rereading - that is a good combination.

Something that occurred to me when I read the last chapter is that Maura had only one breast. OMG one breast and no hair, Maura has _Cancer._ Poor Maura. (It has nothing do with that the plural and singular word for breast in Swedish is the same and I mixed it up when I was drunk). NO! Maura has cancer! I should change the category to angst instead.

* * *

Jane was playing LEGO Star Wars. Can a video game get any better? The combination between Lego – the best toy in the world with Star Wars – the best movie in the world, it couldn't get much better.

When Maura told her she was pregnant her instant reaction was 'fuck ya, I knock you up bitch' but it soon changed it to feeling of uncertainty.

Even though Jane was well past thirty she still felt like a teenager. Someone with her maturity level couldn't take care of a kid, right?

Jane didn't want to leave Maura with the child. It was her baby too and she loved Maura.

Knocking on the door Jane felt more nervous than ever.

Before she could collect herself Maura was opening the door.

"Hey Jane."

"Maura…"

Maura tilted her head when Jane's concern could be heard through her voice.

"No, Jane. Don't sound like that. I'm happy that god gave us this child. This is one in a billion chance. I'm not going to waste it."

Jane was almost crying. "Maur, this is a big step…"

"I know, Jane. I'm caring your child. Of course we have to make changes in our lives."

Jane held her for hours.

When the clock was 6 o'clock they made dinner.

Tasty hamburgers and fajitas. God I want fajitas.

They ate them and laughed and talked like they used to, but Jane couldn't stop thinking about the baby.

It was kinda hot that inside Maura there was a piece of her. Just growing and waiting to pop out. But what if the baby was a pirate?

Jane thought she would make it work anyway even though pirates and cops haven't worked well in the past.

"Can I touch it?" Jane asked.

"There is nothing to touch yet, Jane." Maura answered. She knew so much about the body.

Jane waited and waited until there was something to touch.

Maura was now very pregnant. Like huge. Like balloon and Jane got to touch her a lot.

Jane needed little convincing to move in with Maura.

The bed room action was always active. They were laying in their bed exactly this movement and looked at each other. Like couples do when they are in love.

Because even though Jane had her insecurities at the beginning they were very much in love. Like Sherlock and Watson.

The evening turned out well. Jane had cooked what she liked the most. Fajitas. Fucking Fajitas, and they ate them. Give me fajitas.

Full and contented they drank ouzo while watching some baseball. I don't really know how baseball works. Pitcher is a position. Jane had better clue on what baseball was. Red soxs.

When they won Jane felt victorious.

"I feel victorious. Can't we have sex?" Jane wondered. Maura was reading a stupid medical journal.

"Why of course, Jane. Just let me take this clothes off." Maura stripped.

The fireplace in their living room was ideal place to make sweet sweet love, so they made it there.

"Maura, you look so sexy with the fire." Jane said.

"You too." Maura returned.

Maura was naked. Jane was not, but it took her exactly one second to get rid of all her clothes.

Both naked they caressed each other and loved.

Loved for a thousand. Like in the Trojan war.

Jane couldn't stop thinking about when they first had sex. She wanted to reenact it.

"Maura, lay down, okay?"

Maura laid herself down.

"You look so sexy when you are laying." Jane said with a husky voice.

She placed herself between Maura's thighs. Mmmmm soft girly-smooth thighs. That was Jane's favorite part of Maura. The thighs.

Her emotions felt like canon fire.

She wanted to have torso sex, just the way they had the first time, but Maura's stomach was in the way. Stupid pregnant stomach.

Jane was disappointed.

"We can make this work. Let's have butt sex." Jane suggested.

Maura turned around. Butt sex was her favorite after torso sex.

Jane put a finger in her butt.

"Mmmmm your butt is so butty. I can't get enough." Jane moaned when she felt the tight squeeze.

"Jane, oh my god my, butt. There you are." Maura made it clear true Yoda-style.

Jane thrust and thurst a million times. Maura was a real trooper.

Jane liked the way it felt against her fingers, it almost felt like a penis. Maura around her fingers.

"ROLY POLY RIZZOLI, YOUR FINGERS HAS ALWAYS BEEN A PENIS." Gods words echoed in Jane's mind.

Of course they were. That's why it felt so good to sex with Maura. Her fingers was a penis. It was genetics.

"I can't get up this boat." Jane said.

"My vagina isn't a boat, Jane. Refer it to something else."

Jane fucked her good. Like real good. Once-in-a-lifetime good.

Maura snuggled like she used to like after any kind of sex.

"Did you know Pride is next week?"

"Nope. I'm not gay so I don't have to know." Jane answered.

"Sex with a woman as a woman is kinda gay, Jane." Maura said.

"Nope. It's only natural. They are soft and cuddly. Men are hairy. Don't get me wrong, Maur. Beard are pretty darn damn cool, but I don't want to kiss people that has one."

"Oh Jane, even do you had a beard I would kiss you. Long and French." Maura answered.

Jane kissed Maura, long and without a beard. ZZ top has a lot of beard, but the guy named Beard don't have any. That's funny.

With torso sex out of the picture Jane had to return to her old repertoire. Fucking, kissing and Ouzo, to get through with it. Maura had a fun time coming from the normal repertoire.¨Of course she did, Jane 'fucking' Rizzoli was the one screwing her.

* * *

I'm going to stop right there. I am really drunk but I wanted to post this chapter. It is harder than you think to be drunk and be at a computer at the same time. It doesn't come natural to ask a friend: "Hey, is it okay if a borrow your computer to write some stupid smut." That is why it takes so long between the updates. Either I'm too drunk to write or I can't access a computer when I need to.

Bare with me even though this story is riddled with mistakes, it is part of the charm! I still feel the need to tell you that my first language isn't English and I'm trying the best I can.


End file.
